Nutbush City Limits

23 Jun

Male Body Hair: What is appropriate?

Well the sun is out and with it come the shirtless for better or worse men…whoever said that all the fit guys are solar powered didn’t live where I drive around…

As a luxurious, pure breed, Persian I am covered in long, silky hair…it’s my thing, like the Rachel look.  This got me thinking about the rules and faux-pas for human male body hair…

Head

Head hair is pretty straight forward, you have it or you don’t.  Don’t pretend that you have it if you really don’t.  Go bald gracefully, keep your hair short, long hairs aren’t more hairs.

Face

Men can have face foliage!  Embrace it! Stubble, beards, mutton chops, comedy moustaches!  Live the dream!  Mykie would have a wondrous plumage if he could; alas, the closest he can come to a moustache is relocating an eyebrow.  I do find neck only beards a little strange though.

Eyebrows

Speaking of eyebrows…2 not 1!  Get tweezing if you have a Burt…but stop before you reach Ernie.

Head Holes

Back to the head…ears and noses shouldn’t have fringing or tassels…you are not a 1980’s sofa.

Back

OK if you have back hair it is personal preference if you want to keep it (or up to your special bed friend).  Only rule:  Hair hair should end before back hair begins…break this and you will be hunted down (by the dog pound).

Chest

Like back hair (but less icky) chest hair is a personal preference if you keep it as a pet (Mykie thought he had a chest hair but it was an escapee eyelash).  Like a pet you have it or you don’t… you don’t take 3/4 of a dog for a walk…man-scaping isn’t the best of both, it is ridiculous.

Legs

Unless you are a super athlete, a TV gladiator or a drag artiste, you should have leg hair.

Pits

Personal choice again but if someone can shout Rapunzel pits and get a laugh at your expense it is time to prune.

Arms

If you have arm hair you have arm hair…but Marcus Wareing does have obscenely hairy arms.  If I found a hair in my food at his restaurant I would vomit.

Arse

Smooth or peach-like are the only acceptable options; you shouldn’t be able to style your ass. Sub-category: Crack – just avoid poo-berries.

Manly Parts

Pube on, Pube off; just be nicely trimmed.  A tidy workspace is always preferable.  It’s not a topiary or a lady part so avoid creative designs…No mons pubis, no hollywood.

Belly

Oh the crab ladder thing (why can’t people invent less pestilential terms?), a pubic additional flourish probably beats a large, naked FOPA.  It would look silly to have no pubes and a crab ladder, but if someone will do it and take a picture I’m interested to see what it looks like.

Most male body hair is perfectly fine in varying amounts and a lot depends on your body type; a small, chubby guy with a lots of body hair would look like an Ewok.  Just take a critical look at yourself, you don’t want people to stop and stare, whisper and point, photograph and blog about etc…

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One Response to “Nutbush City Limits”

  1. aradia June 24, 2010 at 8:03 am #

    Ha ha NO Poo Berries!

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