Worse gift ever? The cringing mix of gratitude and horror.

5 Jul

Everyone loves presents, exquisitely wrapped surprises that scream to be ripped open to reveal the perfectly thoughtful delights nestled inside…or not.

Every now and then there is an absolute nightmare contained in that package that promised so much…your face contorts in a pseudo-smile that does it’s best to conceal the grimace that says plainly “what the fuck were you thinking?”

The worse gift I’ve received is a white velvet, sterling silver and swarovski crystal collar that Mykie thought would be adorable on me.  It gets tangled in my fur so fortunately I escape the other cats calling me a big pussy.

Mykie and Simon have been given some absolute atrocities too…

I was talking to the wonderful Mr Nicksy on twitter a few days ago and was reminded of the most horrendous wedding present we were given…

It is so comedy terrible; it is literal LOL.  Thank goodness I was unconscious on the stairs following The Big Cheese Crash 2009.  Simon had the joy of opening this wonder alone in front of the givers whose sanity and taste level are obviously questionable at best.

The picture really doesn’t do it justice…As you can see, it is supposedly two gayers with strange rubbery faces that have tied the knot.  What you might not be able to see is that under the dashing 1980s jackets they are shirtless…and wearing jeans.  Yes, the sculptor obviously thinks that the gays get married semi-naked and in denim.  One of the men is missing a finger…is this an accident in transit; or, does the sculptor believe that unrelenting anal finger-blasting causes queers to loose digits?

The strangest thing about the whole debacle is who bought us this pewter nightmare…It was from an elderly couple who don’t drive and are as familiar with the internet as I am with a vagina…where in hell did they get it from????

We felt so awful and I feel a pang of guilt still for deriding what was a thoughtful and relevant(?) gift…but that is the agony of the gift from hell……but all said and done, we didn’t feel bad enough to keep it…

I think the boys win, my collar is actually quite adorable…I had to stare at the statue of homo holocaust for nearly a week until the bin men arrived to put it out of its misery…it was fucking awful.

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2 Responses to “Worse gift ever? The cringing mix of gratitude and horror.”

  1. emmajaynewithay July 5, 2010 at 8:58 pm #

    I love you, Finlay Jack – Wonder Cat. You entertain me so much. And I bet you look gorgeous in that collar!

    • mrmykie July 5, 2010 at 9:15 pm #

      He won’t wear it! He can be such a stroppy little madam at times!

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