Homo Alone: Irrational fears!

12 Jul

So Simon is away with work leaving Mykie in charge of my safety, next door Molly’s safety and his own safety…Things have gone well so far, I’ve been brushed and played hunt the straw…Mykie has just gone to bed with a big stick from the garden, three pairs of shoes and the garden shears.  I’m off to get some shut eye in my basket, I’ll leave Mykie to rationalise his douche-baggery…

Bedroom door is locked, bedside table is up against bedroom door…I’m back…I needed to use the bathroom…

So all of a sudden, with Simon away for the evening, I’m terrified someone is going to break in.  I never get scared with Simon home but now every noise is my potential murderer climbing the drain pipe.  It’s not that I expect Simon to save me from the bad men (though he would as he is wonderful), but when I’m alone I turn back into my five year old self who really isn’t the bravest kid in the world.  Ghosts, the dark, giant night monsters, Nazi soldiers (yes, five year old Mykie had a horrible fear that Nazis’ would come in the night) I was scared of everything.  I had escape routes and hiding holes planned.  I had even practised climbing out of my window onto the porch and then clambering down the window to the garden…but I’m a grown man now.

I now know ghosts and night monsters aren’t real.  I admit that the chances of being brutally murdered by Nazis is quite low.  If it wasn’t for those nasty men in balaclavas (not baklava) who broke in and took things from us then I may be getting a bit of sleep tonight…but sometimes the bad men really do come for you!

I know it’s really silly to be sat in bed with three pairs of shoes, garden shears and a great big stick…usually I have someone around to reflect off and see just how ridiculous I can be…but it appears that this is me, I will always insist on internal door locks and live like Nicole Kidman in “The Others” ( but I’m not planning to smother any kids with pillows just yet).  So here I sit, stick in hand (not that stick…imagine if the bad men caught me masturbating?  I’d be both terrified and embarrassed before being brutally murdered.) waiting for morning…fun.

I told you, he’s a silly douche.

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2 Responses to “Homo Alone: Irrational fears!”

  1. Coley J Moley July 13, 2010 at 2:03 pm #

    We all get scared sometimes….some more than others! 🙂
    I fear of Zombie attack all the time!

  2. Coley J Moley July 13, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

    Get yourself some kettlebells as additional protection to ones stick! I use them as bowling balls of death at the top of the stairs when even I am alone lol

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