Tag Archives: recipe

Wondercat Bakery: Cream puffs?

15 Sep

The elves whipped up some cream puffs when Adam and Kalli came to dinner. Who knew you could turn up the gay on a cream puff?

Choux Puffs with Orange Crème Pâtissière, Vanilla Cream and a Chocolate Ganache flourish!


Pre-heat your oven to 200°C. Bring the water and butter to the boil in a saucepan, take off the heat and add the dry ingredients quickly then whack the pan back on the heat and and stir furiously with a wooden spoon. It will turn into a strange, smooth, shiny dough ball after a couple of minutes that quite frankly, turns my stomach…my head says yummy dough but my heart screams MELTED BABY! Take off the heat and beat that daemon baby glob with the wooden spoon until it is luke warm (and definitely dead, unable to climb from the pan and eat your face). Beat the eggs then stir them into the dough until it forms a nice smooth paste that no longer resembles plastic surgery off-cuts. Pipe into about 12 blobs on a lined backing tray, egg wash them if you feel the urge then pop them in the oven. After 15 minutes turn the oven down to 170°C, do not open the oven to peek (really, just don’t do it, you’ll end up with a tray of deflated breasts)! After another 30 minutes they should be golden and crisp. Stab each one with a sharp knife to release the tortured souls of the daemon babies (or steam, or perhaps both) turn the oven off and pop them back in to dry out whist you get on with creating the delightful, sweet innards.

Orange Crème Pâtissière

Mix the yolks, sugar, flours to a nice smooth paste in a large bowl (or jug, something with a spout is a good plan or you may cover the kitchen in sticky mess…I did). Heat the milk and orange zest in a pan until just beginning to boil. Pour the hot milk into the bowl of other things and whisk. Tip it all back into the pan (this is where a spout comes in very handy), heat and whisk until it is thick and unctuous…then stir in the orange juice. Set aside to cool.

Vanilla Crean

Split the vanilla pop and scrape the seeds into a bowl of double cream. Whisk slowly and add enough icing sugar until it is sweet enough for you. I haven’t included any measurements as there is nothing better than left-over sweetened cream to gorge on later (avoid the Arc of Shame).

Chocolate Ganache

Just melt the chocolate and stir in the cream. No measurements hear either for the same reason. You need a lot more cream than you do chocolate; not enough cream and you’ll get a solid (yet delicious) mess.

All that is left is assembly. Cut the buns in half, using star nozzles and piping bags fill the bottom with the crème pâtissière, top this with the vanilla cream, put the bun top back on, a flourish of chocolate ganache…et voila!

I topped with a sprinkle of chopped hazelnuts and served with some strawberries lightly cooked with the juice of the rest of the orange (waste not want not) and some sugar…I managed to resist adding edible glitter (barely) after all, how gay can these things be before they chassé off the plate?

I think everyone enjoyed them. Adam is smiling (but I did tell him to smile for the photo) and we all wolfed them down.

So that’s how you gay up a cream puff folks! Imagine what we could do with a long, thick éclair and a good squeeze of cream?

Evolution Bakery: Jack Daniels Fudge Cookies

18 Aug

Making double the amount you need as you know you’ll eat half the dough isn’t good Mykie…shame on you!

I instructed the bakery elves to make some baked goods for tomorrow.  As usual, spare egg yolks in the fridge from macaroon frenzy that could be put to good use.

  • 255g soft, unsalted butter
  • 255g caster suger
  • 2 egg yolks
  • 225g plain flour
  • seeds of a vanilla pod
  • 110g rolled oats
  • 120g Jack Daniels fudge cut into small chunks
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • tsp bicarbonate of soda

Pre-heat the oven to 170°C and line a baking tray with greaseproof paper.

Beat the butter and sugar with an electric whisk (or wooden spoon if you want to work off some of the cookies that will be devoured).  Whisk in the vanilla and yolks, throw everything else in and mix together.  Pinch off  pieces of the sticky, sweet dough and roll into balls (testicle sized works), space on the baking sheet leaving room for them to spread.

Bake for about 15 minutes until golden, but still soft.  Leave to cool before taking off the baking tray or eating (if you can).

These are divine!  The oats give a nice crunch yet the cookie still has a slight chew to the middle.  The chunks of JD fudge take them from “nice with a hot drink” to “holy Jebuddallah! Sitting in a wardrobe with a plate full, cramming them into your mouth until you can’t breathe whilst furiously masturbating”.

Cookie success!  Let’s see if any remain tomorrow.

Evolution Bakery: Le macaron parisien

14 Aug

I set the bakery elves a challenge…make delicious French macaroons.  Delicate, deceptively complicated, decadent…

For a first attempt I was fairly happy.  A smooth, crack-free shell and a passable macaroon “foot”.  The button-to-filling ratio was a little off…the elves were a bit miserly with the filling.  Unfortunately they lost their crispy shell after a few hours and went a bit soft.

We’ll post a recipe (or instruction manual) when we’ve had a few more attempts.  Those pictured are “Rose and Cardamom” and “Almond and Dark Chocolate” and were based on a 1:1.3:1.6:0.8 blancs d’œufs:amandes en poudre:sucre glace:sucre semoule.

We incorporated techniques such as:

  • processing and sieving the almonds a few times
  • drying almonds in the oven
  • using aged eggs
  • resting for an hour to set the shell
  • two ovens, two temperatures
  • stacked heavy trays

Hardly Ladurée but in the case of “le macaron parisien”, failure still tastes fucking divine!

As I’m stretching the elves I have been overseeing proceedings carefully.

If anyone would like a batch, get in contact.  We are going to be perfecting the recipe over the coming weeks and the boys are already approaching their macaroon maximum.

Evolution Bakery: The Malteser Pleaser

10 Aug

Who doesn’t like cake? Who doesn’t like chocolates? Who doesn’t like a secret ingredient?

As our name suggests, here at Evolution Bakery we tinker with things and change things over time.  These were inspired by a recipe I came across whilst blog surfing (if you can call something that requires “a box of chocolate cake mix” a recipe).

We took the basic idea but developed a decent muffin-based cake to compliment the malty decadence of the icing.

The Malteser Pleaser (makes 12)


  • 200g Plain Flour
  • 150g Caster Sugar
  • 50g Horlicks Powder
  • 1 Large Egg
  • 50g Melted Butter (cooled)
  • 225ml Whole Milk
  • 3tsp Baking Powder
  • Pinch of Salt
  • 100g Quality Milk Chocolate smashed up into small morsels (we used Menier Swiss Milk)
  • SECRET INGREDIENT: 160g Jack Daniels Fudge (chopped into little cubes)

So simple as it’s a muffin based cake. Pre-heat the oven to 180°C.  Mix the milk, egg and butter together (make sure the butter isn’t so hot it cooks the egg). Put the dry ingredients into a bowl and stir in the wet mixture.  Fold in the chocolate and fudge pieces.  Divide between 12 muffin cases and pop in the oven for around 20 minutes until golden in colour, firm and springy when poked.


  • 200g Soft Butter
  • 50g Horlicks Powder
  • 20g Cocoa Powder
  • 50g Icing Sugar

Just beat the lot together.  It should be smooth, thick and creamy, and taste like a Malteser cloud…so delicious…you should have more than enough to ice the cakes so dig in, indulge, fuck the arc of shame.

When the cakes are cool pipe a big swirl of icing (if you have any left) onto each one.  Sprinkle with cruched Maltesers and pop a whole one on top.

These are the culinary equivalent of hot, dirty sex;  Naughty, sticky, surprising, wildly enjoyable and fuelled by JD.  The cake is not too sweet so balances the super saccharine of the icing well.  The sticky nuggets of Jack Daniels fudge add a grown-up element to an otherwise enjoyably juvenile treat.

I’m pleased with the bakery elves for now.  I think I’ll let them out of their cages for a day or two to visit their children.  Don’t judge me, they signed the contract.

Evolution Bakery: 241 Darkness and Light.

30 Jul

Here at the bakery we waste not and we want not…we actually want plenty but that’s not the point right now.

We were making some peanut and dark chocolate biscuits and as the recipe called for only egg yolk, we were left with spare whites…perfect for rustling up a batch of mini angel cakes.

Both recipes are terribly easy…

Peanut and Dark Chocolate Biscuits

  • 100g soft butter
  • 160g plain flour
  • 160g peanut butter (crunchy and wholenut if you can find it…Waitrose does it)
  • 50g caster sugar
  • 2 egg yolks
  • tsp baking powder
  • bar of dark chocolate (80% cocoa)

Pre-heat oven to 180°C.  Place everything into a mixing bowl apart from the chocolate and mix with a good, sturdy wooden spoon into a smooth dough (do not eat yet…you will have no biscuits at the end…it is so very delicious at this stage).  Roll into 16 small balls and place on a baking tray.  Smash the chocolate into little shards and press one into each dough ball.  Bake for about 10 minutes.  They will still be soft but golden, leave to cool and harden.

They lack the austerity and ostentation I usually enjoy in a biscuit but it’s hard to be refined shovelling these delectable, crumbly delights in your food hole…grab your Slanket, sit on the sofa and munch away.

Mini Angel Cakes

  • 2 egg whites (left over from the biscuits above)
  • 50g caster sugar
  • pinch of cream of tartar
  • 25g SR flour
  • few drops of almond essence
  • few drops of rose water

Keep the oven on 180°C from the biscuits.  Whisk the egg whites until foamy, whisk in everything else except for the flour until you get a smooth, glossy mixture that doesn’t feel gritty between your fingers.  Fold in the flour gently to preserve the air trapped in the white, meringue cloud.  Plop the mixture into 4 muffin cases in a muffin tray.  Bake on a low shelf for about 25 minutes.  Leave to cool then disrobe the cakes from their cases, cut in half and fill with sweetened cream cheese and blueberry jam.

You only get 4 of these light as air morsels, perfect for afternoon tea with a cup of Darjeeling and a better use for egg whites than coating the inside of the Brabantia.

There you go, two super simple recipes for the price of one…One dark, dirty and indulgent; one light, sweet and prissy…Marvellous!

Area 2 cupcakes

9 Jul

A gift to Area 2 from Evolution Bakery!

Raspberry & White Chocolate Cupcakes with Lemon, Cream Cheese Icing

  • 125g soft unsalted butter
  • 150g caster sugar
  • 300g SR Flour
  • 1 large egg
  • 200g raspberries
  • seeds of a vanilla pod
  • 200g white chocolate crushed into small rough chunks
  • 250ml butter milk
  • 2tbsp raspberry vinegar
  • pinch of salt


  • 50g soft unsalted butter
  • 50g cream cheese
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • about 30g icing sugar

Really easy, whisk butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Beat in egg.  Throw in the rest and fold in.  Divide into 12 cupcake cases and pop in the oven for about 20mins 180°C.  They will still be quite squishy in the middle as the buttermilk and raspberries add moisture.

For the icing just whisk everything together…I’m unsure exactly how much icing sugar goes in…I usually add until I get a nice soft-peak that will stay put when piped.

These cakes are so, so good as they have a really dense, moistness…I suppose they are a muffin/cupcake hybrid…a muff-cake if you will (maybe not as the wet clots of ruby, raspberry take them down an unappealing gynaecological route).  The nuggets of rich, velvety white chocolate more than make up for images of clammy, menstrual womanly spaces.

It’s going to be a long fat year!

3 Jun

Aradia and Mr Whit have asked for a gilded, 5 tiered, Marie Antoinette inspired cake for their wedding.

As VP of Evolution Cakes I thought it was time to start experimenting.

It turns out it’s really hard to gild a cake…It’s going to take many months and many cakes to get to a satisfactory result.

We also had a go at making gilded jewels and scroll-work which were surprisingly easy…these cupcakes didn’t stand a chance…num num num!

I had a go on a Caribbean Cake with chocolate fondant as I think we’ll soon be sick of sponge cake.

  • 2 or 3 really squishy old nanas
  • 150g SR flour
  • 150g Soft Butter
  • 150g brown sugar
  • 50g dessicated coconut
  • juice and zest of a lime
  • 2 eggs

Just squish up the bananas and mix everything together in a bowl.  Whack into a lined cake tin (I used a 6 six inch metal one) and bake at 180°C until springy about 50 mins.  Stick a skewer into it to make sure the middle is done…or something else sharp and pokey…I used a lobster fork as they don’t get used for fuck all else.