Tag Archives: weekend breaks

Quintessentially English vs Quintessentially Gay

29 Jun

As my food bowl was filled to capacity and two extra water bowls were placed on the floor I knew the boys where neglecting me yet again and going away over night…They were off to Stratford for a culture based weekend…was it worth the trip when Manchester packs quite a cultural punch?  More importantly, to what degree did the planned quintessentially English trip become a big gay away?

over to Mykie…

As we were over packing our suitcase Saturday morning (QG) and trying to squeeze my second toiletry bag into the luggage (QG) the post man delivered Simon’s pre-ordered “Kylie: all the lovers pack” (QG) which became the anthem of the road trip (QG)…picked up the in-laws and we were on our way!

We arrived in Shakespeare Land and spent a lei surly afternoon eating ice-cream by the river (QE), visiting Shakespeare’s house (QE) (well we looked at it…there was a big queue), and, on the hottest day of the year, shopping for Christmas ornaments in an all-year wonderland with faux snow and everything (QG)!  
We also spent a large portion of the day wondering how hot the living statues were in the heat and paint (QE).  The statues in Stratford are all gold and Shakespearian, much more impressive than the dull, grey scary ones in Manchester…win for Stratford!

In the evening we walked to the theatre to see “Morte d’Arthur” (QE).  The RSC is amazing!  The Royal Exchange Manchester is decent but this was something else!  Flying angels, horses made of people, tranny-devil and even a noteworthy shirtless man episode (QG).  The acting was top drawer, Arthur aged from a twatty imbecile to an ageing, wizened monarch seamlessly…Mordred was a deformed Geordie who brought a great touch of comedy.  It was a fast paced, fly by the seat of your pants tour of the whole of Arthur’s rein (for four hours! a 25 minute interval and a 5 minute pause (piss) I can’t sit still through a Dr Who usually but I was enthralled).  Great production! Bravo RSC (QE)!  As I was sweating like a whore and we were at the theatre, darlings…we needed a little razz-ma-tazz…that’s my explanation for purchasing a pink hand-fan which I spent the weekend wafting myself with (QG, so very QG).

Sunday, after being interrupted mid coitus by Mama Dotsy knocking on our hotel room door (QG), we had a lovely full English (QE). I had cereal as I had eaten so much the previous day I was feeling very Gabourey Sidibe so went for a low-fat breakfast (QG) (and I’d just eaten a sausage).  There was a woman, unfortunately, screaming at the hotel staff about her “boyfriend” not being able to find a parking spot and he had “a very expensive car”…this turned out to be an over-tanned, mid 50s, “long hairs are more hairs” man in a Z4 who proceeded to reverse 50 meters down the pavement…they obviously thought they were the Zeta-Douglas’ but they were just common, trashy scum…vile (is Jezza Kyle QE? I hope not)!

We strolled down the river late morning (QE) (OK, I had found a craft market so Simon sat on a bench whilst I rummaged (QG)).  I rowed my husband down the Avon in a row-boat (QE sort of).  Simon was steering, I was rowing…we crashed into a pile of trees trying to turn around (QG) (This was so Simon’s fault not that he admits it).  A brief trip to Anne Hathaway’s house and garden (QE)…(no, not that one QG) who I’m guessing didn’t have a gift shop attached when she resided there.  It sold pink quills and ink (QG) I wasn’t allowed any as I had my fan (QG).

Ended a perfectly delightful weekend bombing home down “28 days later motorways” as the football was on which we didn’t give a small rat crap about (QG).

This England never did, nor never shall,
Lie at the proud foot of a conqueror.

William Shakespeare, “King John”

(Sorry football fans)

It seems Stratford is worth a visit if you enjoy a nice, quiet weekend and excellent theatre…It also appears that Mykie can’t even get through a play without buying a gay piece of tat.  Manchester theatres are great but if you really want a treat, get yourself some RSC tickets…hope next season has some good shows because I enjoyed having the house to myself!


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